Table of contents

1.                                                           INTRODUCTION 1-6

2.                                             WHAT WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY 2-8

3.                               GET IT IN WRITING WHILE YOU ARE IN LOVE. 3-14

4.         IF SOMEONE SAYS THERE IS NO TIME, STEAL SOME FOR YOURSELF. 4-22

5.         NEVER DENY ANOTHER MAN OR WOMAN THEIR SCAM FOR THEY MAY DENY YOU YOURS 5-24

6.                              MY SIMPLE FLOW CHART FOR LEGAL ADVICE 6-25

7.             FIND THE RULES AND READ THEM OR GET SOMEONE WHO CAN 7-25

8.                                   DON’T BELIVE EVERY THING YOU THINK 8-27

9.                                 THAT IS WHAT INSURANCE IS FOR DUMMY 9-28

10.           ALWAYS CONSIDER THE SOURCE & CAREFULLY CONSIDER YOUR AUDIENCE 10-29

11.       INSURANCE COMPANIES MAKE THEIR MONEY BY LOOKING YOU IN THE EYE AND TELLING YOU NOTHING BAD WILL HAPPEN, AND THEN PUTTING THE MONEY INTO A DRAWER AND KEEPING IT CLOSED. 11-29

12.                                  NEVER KICK A PERSON IN A BLACK ROBE 12-30

13.               IF YOU ARE NERVOUS IT WILL SHOW OR IN OTHER WORDS THE PENALTY FOR LYING IN COURT IS WORSE THAN ACIDENTALLY KILLING YOUR EX 13-31

14.                                         DON’T BREAK THE RULES DUMMY 14-33

15.       YOU CAN TALK YOUR WAY INTO TROUBLE, BUT YOU CAN’T TALK YOUR WAY OUT 15-34

16.                                           ARE YOU ALWAYS THIS STUPID? 16-36

17.                   DON’T LEND MONEY UNLESS YOU CAN LIVE WITHOUT IT. 17-36

18.                           YOU CAN FIGHT CITY HALL AND YOU CAN LOSE. 18-36

19.           YOU HAVE TO PAY TO PLAY AND THE HOUSE ALWAYS WINS, LOOK AROUND 19-39

20.           CON ARTISTS CAN ONLY GET YOUR MONEY WHEN YOU GIVE IT TO THEM 20-40

21.                          NEVER BELIVE A PROMISE, VERIFY THEN TRUST 21-41

22.                                     IT IS NOT ILLEAGAL TO LIE, USUALLY 22-43

23.                   NOTHING WILL WAKE YOU UP LIKE A BELIVABLE THREAT 23-44

24.               AN IMAGINED RESULT IS ALWAYS MORE THREATING THAT AN OVERSTATED THREAT 24-44

25.                                     DELIVERY IS HALF OF THE MESSAGE 25-44

26.           WHEN IT SEEMS LIKE SHOOTING DUCKS IN BARREL LOOK OUT FOR BAZOOKAS, GERNADES, AND LAND MINES 26-45

27.                                  TIME IS GOING BY ANYWAY SO GO FOR IT 27-45

28.                                      GREEDY PEOPLE ARE EASY TO READ 28-46

29.               BY DEFINITION A RATIONAL MIND CANNOT UNDERSTAND AN IRRATIONIOAL THOUGHT 29-46

30.                        A SURE BET IS, YOU WILL GET WET WHEN IT RAINS 30-50

31.       REMEMBER UNLESS YOU SCREWED THEM ALL THEY REALLY WANT IS MONEY 31-51

32.               WHEN SOMEONE SCREAMS IT TAKES YOUR ATTENTION AWAY 32-52

33.           YOU WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER THE RESTURANT WHERE YOU GOT FOOD POISONING 33-53

34.           NEVER CHEAT THE TAX MAN, BUT HEY, YOU CAN WORK SOMETHING OUT 34-56

35.                          LIFE IS TOUGH SHUT UP AND TAKE YOUR LUMPS 35-59

36.                                                  TIMING IS EVERYTHING 36-59

37.       YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW SOCIETIES’S RULES OR YOU WILL GET A TIME OUT 37-60

38.                           GRAVITY ALWAYS WINS OR DARWIN WAS RIGHT 38-61

39.           IF YOU DO SOMETHING WRONG LONG ENOUGH IT BECOMES RIGHT 39-61

40.                                         IT NEVER HURTS TO OFFER LESS 40-61

41.           PUT THE BLINDERS ON THEM OR TAKE THEM OFF OF YOURSELF 41-61

42.                                          DO GOOD FIRST, THEN DO WELL 42-62

43.                                         CLEANING UP MAKES YOU HAPPY 43-62

44.                              IF IT FLYS, FORNICATES, OR FLOATS RENT IT 44-62

45.                                   SOME PEOPLE SHOULD BE LEFT ALONE 45-62

46.                                             WHAT WOULD YOUR DOG DO? 46-62

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